The Best Places To Cry On Campus Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Stressed? Your mom keeps forwarding you emails to pick up your cap and gown? On the verge of a crisis? Fear not, young astrology follower! Here is your comprehensive guide on where to cry based on where the moon was when you were born.

  1. Aries
    • Bathroom on the ground floor of Mason Hall: Direct, assertive, and brave, you don’t give a shit that 35 people are cramped in this bathroom with you, watching you have a breakdown.
  2. Taurus
    • Dana building commons room: Patient, stubborn, and down to earth, you belong in a spacious place that smells of microwaved lunches and 10 year old Nalgenes to really let your guard down.
  3. Gemini
    • South Quad Dining Hall: Friendly, adaptable, and charming, you will just love letting those tears pour in a crowded social watering hole. Head towards the sad cereal section for more privacy.
  4. Cancer
    • UHS.
  5. Leo
    • The School of Music Theater and Dance: Ambitious, proud, and dramatic, you should go ahead and sob it out under the bright lights of an off-off broadway stage. Hollywood is just moments away and you need to practice pulling off a convincing “sad boy #2”.
  6. Virgo
    • The Dude: Efficient, hardworking and focused, you should go to the smart people library. EECS seems hard and you deserve a good cry, so you might as well do it with all the other smarties.
  7. Libra
    • 4th floor of the UGLi: Mosey on over to the libra-ry you sad, sad lady.
  8. Scorpio
    • Your ex boyfriend’s front lawn: Intense, passionate and sexual, you’ve gotta work those tear ducts where it matters most. Win him back with your ugly cry face and unavoidable eye contact!
  9. Sagittarius
    • Philosophy department: Intelligent, sarcastic, and philosophical, you better head on up to the 2nd floor of Angell and contemplate life itself while an old man named Albert tells you your argument is invalid.
  10. Capricorn
    • In the warm embrace of your significant other: Responsible, focused, and reserved, congrats Capricorn, cry those tears of joy as your high school sweetheart drops to one knee on the 50-yard-line of the big house.
  11. Aquarius
    • The Stephen M. Ross School of Business Winter Garden: Gregarious, future-minded and self centered, you better work that pantsuit and pretend to do group homework only to ball uncontrollably when Goldman Sachs says you’re too ugly for finance.
  12. Pisces
    • Hot yoga in the IM building: Imaginative, sensitive and spiritual, go ahead and let it all out while you hit that downward dog, wishing you were born a coconut tree on Oahu.

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