Couple In Hammock Making Everyone On Diag Uncomfortable

The couple was reportedly no more comfortable than the onlookers.

According to eyewitness reports, two undergraduates sharing a hammock caused widespread disgust and “gross vibes” from other students on Diag.

“It was a really nice day today, so I decided to grab a picnic blanket and sit under a tree. Then I heard some creepy giggling behind me and realized it was two people swinging from the tree next to me. It freaked me out so bad that I moved to the other side of the Diag,” stated Anne Marsh, LSA sophomore.

Marsh, however, was not the only student to come forward with a report of possible outdoor PDA.

“Yeah, I’ve seen those couples. At first, I thought they were studying. And then I was like ‘wait, no that sounds shady,’ then the weird rustling started. Were they fighting? Were they up to some funny business? I didn’t know. I still don’t,” said Tyler Berkins, local frisbee golf enthusiast.

Reports of “distressing” behavior like this comes after a semester of incidents of “suspicious couples lurking in the Hatcher stacks” and “late night breakins at the Big House.”

University officials recently issued a statement regarding these activities, including the advisory message, “if you see something, don’t say anything, avert your eyes, and pretend it never happened.”

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