Marine Biologists Agree There’s Just No Way To Know How Many Dolphins You’re Looking At

Pictured: Between 0-1000 dolphins.
Pictured: Between 0-1000 dolphins.

After conducting numerous and extensive studies, marine biologists have concluded that every time you look at the ocean, “there’s just no feasible way to know how many dolphins you’re technically looking at.”

Richard Davis from the University of California San Diego explained that this is an issue that’s been plaguing scientists in the marine community for years.

“Let’s say you’re looking out at the San Diego bay,” explained Davis. “There could be ten dolphins in there. There could be 17. Maybe there’s just one lonely dolphin. We have a hunch that most people are vastly underestimating how many dolphins they’ve actually seen in their life, but we just can’t prove it.”

“We’ve tried using countless different algorithms and mathematical models to figure this out,” Davis continued. “We even attempted using sonar technology to locate the dolphins, but it turns out they’re just too darn slippery, and we think the sound just slid right off.”

After constant failed attempts Davis told reporters that they “eventually just had to accept the fact that maybe we’ll never be able to put a number on the dolphins.”

Davis added that, despite their lack of definitive results, there were points in the investigation in which researchers felt they were on the edge of breakthrough. “At one point, we were almost certain we found a way to quantify the animals,” said Davis, “then we realized we had just kept confusing small waves with jumping dolphins.”

Although the outcome of the research is disappointing, Davis stated that the public shouldn’t give up all hope as “maybe in the future we can try again with porpoises or something.”

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