Molly’s Quiet Night In Fucking Slaps

Molly, deciding which romcom will take this night up a notch.
Molly, deciding which romcom will take this night up a notch.

Though several of her friends had invited her to attend social functions on Saturday evening, senior Molly Wile turned down all their offers in favor of “taking some well-deserved ‘me’ time,” which reports claim was “fucking epic.”

“Yeah, my friends all wanted to go to Rick’s or hit up Necto,” Wile told sources. “But honestly, all I wanted to do was order some Pizza House, take a bubble bath, and watch a Ryan Gosling rom-com.”

According to reports, Wile’s quaint evening of self-care “totally slapped.” Wile’s neighbor, Geneva Tailor, said she could hear Wile giggling loudly from her apartment balcony and enthusiastically catching up with a high school friend over the phone.

Similarly, Wile’s roommate, Alexa Richards, said that Wile was “positively glowing with good vibes” when she arrived home during Wile’s meditation session. Richards claims that Wile went so far as to offer her one of her Icelandic mineral facemasks.

“I really had a terrific time,” a well-rested Wile told her hungover friends the next morning. “I got to know myself better, reconnected with some of my passions, gave my mental health a boost, and was in bed by 10:00 PM. I even got a chance to watch that Marie Kondo show and totally clean up my room. Everything sparks joy now.”

Those close to Wile claim that they are seriously considering taking a leaf out of her book and “getting fucking sloshed” on a night of self-reflection and relaxation themselves.

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