Report: People Who Used To Not Eat Bread Crust Now Refuse To Swallow Cum

‘I just don’t like the texture,’ reported the nation’s picky eaters.

Recent studies have suggested that a link exists between people who used to cut bread crust off their sandwiches and people who won’t swallow cum.

Researchers at Yale have recently demonstrated that both picky eating and cum swallowing are correlated “very strongly.” After studying a cohort of North Americans from birth to college-age years, Scientist Dr. Avery Meadows has found that “those dumbass kids in elementary school who only eat Uncrustables grow up to become those annoying-ass people who stand up to spit out cum mid-coitus.”

While originally studying how food preferences change over time, researchers found an unexpected and astonishing correlation between cutting off crust in childhood and refusing to swallow cum in adulthood. The researchers are still struggling to explain why the correlation exists, but they suspect the taste buds for the two substances are located in the same area of the tongue.

Dr. Meadows, the project’s head researcher, is hoping to continue her research in coming decades by expanding the foods and behaviors she studies. A grant proposal for a study investigating the relationship between bratwurst consumption and public indecency charges is pending NIH approval.

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