Spirit Airlines Group Nine Technically Welcome To Board

'Chop chop,' reported Spirit’s gate attendants.
'Chop chop,' reported Spirit’s gate attendants.

Following the boarding of the initial boarding groups, all active service members, and families travelling with small children, group nine passengers on Spirit Airlines flight 316 from DTW to LaGuardia are technically being “welcomed” to board.

After watching the boarding of all prior groups, including waiting five minutes for group 8 to board which had zero passengers, group nine passengers were finally, facetiously welcomed to board the aircraft.

“Group nine is at this time welcome to board,” said Spirit gate attendant Gayle Peters flippantly over the intercom, prompting the majority of passengers to enter the aircraft.

“We always say that group nine are welcome to board, but we’re clearly being sarcastic,” added Gayle Peters. “Here at Spirit Airlines, no one is ever really welcome to anything.”

Some passengers were displeased by the lack luster boarding procedure of the budget airline.

“It would be better if they cut the pretense and just told the rest of us to get on like the herd of cattle we are” said group nine member Thomas Flynn. “I definitely didn’t feel welcome when they charged me a $45 dollar baggage fee at the gate for my backpack and the bag of 11 tic tac sized pretzels sure didn’t make me feel at home.”

After cruising altitude was reached, passengers were welcomed to connect to the in-flight wifi that was too weak to support streaming.

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