Boyfriend Looking For Job In Your Area Has No Idea You Dumping Him After Graduation

Parker is looking forward to moving in with the ‘love of his life.’
Parker is looking forward to moving in with the ‘love of his life.’

Ross senior Jamie Parker recently announced plans to stay close to his girlfriend of three years, who will dump him two days after graduation.

“We’ve been going strong ever since we met freshman year,” said Parker about his girlfriend, LSA senior Maria Reid. “I’m really looking forward to the next chapter,” he added, beaming.

According to close friends and family, Parker had been passing up interviews to look for jobs in Reid’s home state of Illinois, where she hooked up with her ex-boyfriend from high school during winter break.

“Yeah, the opportunities are better in New York,” he admitted, while Reid readjusted her age preferences on Tinder beside him. “But it’s just so worth it to get to be with a one-of-a-kind gal like Maria.”

When asked how she felt about her boyfriend’s plans, Reid said she thought she had already “made her feelings obvious to the poor guy.”

“I literally told him it was going to be kind of weird,” Reid recalled grimly. “Somehow I guess that went right over his head,” she added. “I think he was distracted looking up apartments for us to share in Evanston.”

At press time, Parker wanted to know if his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend wanted kids right away.

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