Following customer complaints about having to ask employees where to find private items, CVS CEO Larry J. Merlo has announced a new aisle that will house all products deemed embarrassing enough.
“Gone are the days of having to ask an actual human being where to find condoms, lubricants, and Durex sex toys,” said Merlo. “Our new plan to shove every sexual product, personal hygiene item, and strange medication into the same aisle should alleviate any humiliation that might have come with those interactions.
“Now, customers won’t even have to think to know that the wart remover is next to the adult diapers, and the anti-fungal cream is next to the prescription-strength deodorant.”
Trial aisles in certain CVS locations around the country have already proven a resounding success with customers.
“I used to dread having to ask where to find the hemorrhoid cream,” said CVS shopper Lucas Jensen. “Now, I know it’ll be right next to the head lice shampoo, laxatives, and gas relief medication.”
In order to make it easier to find for customers, the new aisle is slated to be put in the front and center of every store. For even more customer convenience, CVS also plans for it to be the largest aisle, with at least two large signs pointing towards it.
“It used to be so frustrating to have to walk all the way across the store to get Imodium after picking up dandruff shampoo,” said customer Eric German. “Now they’re right next to each other, and I can even grab a toilet plunger and pregnancy test while I’m at it.”
“I no longer need to feel humiliated when I’m asking for my sexual performance-enhancing supplements,” he later added. “Now I can just pick them up along with my anti-hair loss cream, pay, and leave.”