Man At KFC Chokes On Cock

The cock in question was reportedly ‘too big.’
The cock in question was reportedly ‘too big.’

Area diners have reported sightings of a man choking on cock in the middle of a local KFC.

The man, who has been identified as Andrew Simons, choked for almost a minute before a KFC employee dislodged the long, hard object from his throat.

“I was eating my last drumstick,” said Simons, describing his near- fatal encounter with the cock, “but I accidentally lost grip of the [cock], and it became lodged in my throat.”

Simons has been a lifelong fan of Colonel Sanders’ delicious cock, and he claims that his experience will not hinder him from returning to the fast- food joint in the future.

He was saved when KFC employee Richard Jones administered the Heimlich maneuver.

“I wasn’t sure if he was choking at first,” reported Jones, “but it became clear after a few seconds that the [cock] was stuck pretty deep in his throat. At that point, I gave him some thrusts from behind, and it just shot right out.”

“This wasn’t the first incident we’ve had of someone choking [on cock],” said Jones. “I’m just glad they’ve all turned out alright.”

After choking on the drumstick, Simons claimed that he might just “stick to breasts” in the future.

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