In a culmination of decades of research and an archaeological dig costing hundreds of thousands in government funding, sources report that paleontologist Dr. Graham Norton made the last-minute decision to “just stick the left over bones in back” of the Archaeopteryx anchiornis, whose fossil remains he had spent years reconstructing, and“call it a tail.”
“A paleontologist’s job can be tricky,” said Dr. Norton. “Our team is tasked with the project of recovering the fossilized remains of ancient specimens, some dating back millions of years to before the Triassic period, and piecing them together without knowledge as to what the final structure should look like. That’s why it’s best to sometimes go with your gut and just cram the funnier-looking parts wherever you can get them to fit.”
Witnesses attest that Dr. Norton wasted no time in throwing aside his magnifying glass and arranging the series of non-identifiable bones into a line, which he then reportedly glued onto the back of Archaeopteryx anchiornis using his spit.
“Technology has definitely come a long way in terms of helping archaeologists and paleontologists recreate the events of the past,” said Dr. Norton. “With the use of shallow geophysics, soil geochemistry, and ground penetrating radar, scientists now have the ability to do something with the more mysterious bones leftover from the dig, which up until now had simply been thrown back into the dirt and reburied for the next generation to come and find.”
At press time, Dr. Norton was witnessed checking if Tyrannosaurus rex had room for a horn.
