Report: Pepper Spray Tastes Worse Than Sounds

The pepper spray was reportedly great for self-defense but terrible as garnish.
The pepper spray was reportedly great for self-defense but terrible as garnish.

Despite its flavor-packing name, users of pepper spray have been shocked at the aerosol flavoring’s unpalatability.

“When I first tried it, I thought it must just be past the sell-by date or something,” said Fred Mansley, one of many unsatisfied consumers. “Then I bought a new bottle, and I realized that the product itself tastes absolutely terrible.”

“I thought it would have undertones of freshly-ground black pepper, or maybe even red chili,” said Mansley. “But it was honestly so strong that I could hardly even make out the flavor.”

While thousands of consumers were excited to have a sprayable form of the spice that they’ve all come to know and love, area woman Diane Casey agreed that the flavor needed to be “dialed back.”

“I was so excited when I heard about the new product,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “I thought, finally! Salt and pepper are coming in sprayable form at last. It’s about time! But then I used it, and those were the worst scrambled eggs I’ve ever had.”

“I’m obsessed with any sauces made from jalapeños or poblanos, so I was shocked not to like the sprayable flavoring,” said Casey. “I expected it to taste like sprayable Tobasco sauce, but I really think they must have gotten the proportions wrong.”

At press time, Casey considered that the new seasoning might be better suited for her enemies instead of her friends.

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