University Planning To Replace Forest Hill Cemetery With Mini Golf

‘The smell will just make it more immersive,’ said Schlissel.

After an increased concern in regards to the lack of recreational activities offered to students on campus, the University of Michigan has announced plans to replace the 162-year-old Forest Hill Cemetery with an 18-hole mini golf course.

“The Forest Hill Cemetery has been a very important and symbolic feature of our university for a long long time,” stated President Mark Schlissel while planting a shovel into the soil of the renowned burial site. “But the mini golf course will be a much better place for students to relax and blow off steam after a long day of classes.”

Plans for the mini golf course reportedly include a challenge course featuring a windmill with a rotating blade blocking the putter’s path, water hazards, as well as a noxious smell — said to distract competitors — tracing back to the original use of the site.

Despite an overwhelmingly positive response to the planned excavation, some students have voiced that this renovation would be dishonorable to the late Michigan legends who have rested there over the past century and a half.

“Trust me. I recognize that the Forest Hill Cemetery served home to the great Bo Schembechler, the brilliant Thomas M. Cooley, and the ever-so-talented Fielding H. Yost,” said Schlissel in response to the concern. “But hey, the mini golf course will have a snow cone station.”

Recent reports have indicated that Schlissel might be willing to “compromise” and use “a couple of the good tombstones” as obstacles on the 16th hole.

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