Earlier this week, the University of Michigan announced plans to host a slam dunk competition midway through the second general presidential debate to be held at the Crisler Center.
“This is a tremendous opportunity for our university community to set an example of civic engagement and shine a light on the outstanding academic strengths of our institution,” said U-M President Mark Schlissel. “Not to mention, it’s a sick opportunity to witness some downright legendary ESPN highlight-reel magic happen in real time,” he added.
“I can’t wait to watch the libs get epicly owned,” said sophomore and Young Americans for Freedom member Bryan Johnson, adding that “The Donald is gonna break some fucking ankles.”
Sources confirm that 2020 presidential hopefuls were already preparing for the Crisler debate by smack-talking the competition.
“Everyone knows I am the greatest politician, greatest dealmaker, greatest businessman in the world,” tweeted sitting President Donald J. Trump. “Lucky for me I am also the best dunker ever. Tune in 2020 to see the dems get PWNED!”
Not to be outdone, a number of Democratic candidates have also chimed in on the forthcoming match-up.
“I highly recommend you vote for me come November, seeing as I would totally destroy Trump in the slam-dunk round of the debate,” said Democratic hopeful Pete Buttigieg while double-knotting his cross trainers. “In addition to speaking seven different languages, I’m also capable of pulling off a nasty alley-oop, not to mention the occasional between-the-legs, from-a-distance elbow-hang.”
Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren quickly countered Buttigieg running his mouth, stating, “I’d just like to put out there that I’m the only Democratic candidate to own a pair of Jordans.”
At press time, President Trump was witnessed calling on foreign leaders for support, asking if there was any way to interfere in the dunk contest by lowering the hoops.
