Above-Average Handjob Doesn’t Quite Make Up for Accidentally Killing Boyfriend’s Dog

Buster’s cold body was fresh on the minds of Taylor and her grieving boyfriend throughout the entire affair.
Buster’s cold body was fresh on the minds of Taylor and her grieving boyfriend throughout the entire affair.

Reports emerged earlier today that area girlfriend Rachel Taylor’s above-average handjob didn’t quite make up for killing her boyfriend Matthew Cook’s dog, Buster.

An unfortunate car accident involving Taylor and Buster occurred this morning in Glenview State Park, leaving the mutt in critical condition until he inevitably had to be put down a few hours later. Taylor, largely at fault for the accident, reportedly treated Buster’s owner to a satisfyingly sloppy handjob upon returning home that, despite how pleased her efforts left Cook, ultimately did not succeed in making amends for the vehicular dogslaughter.

“Rarely does a handski hit the spot quite like that,” said Cook, who after finishing asked Taylor if she wanted something in return. “She just bobbed her head slightly, patted me on the back and said, ‘Oh, don’t worry, that was my special treat just for you.’”

Despite electing to indefinitely postpone breaking up with Taylor following the solid rub-n-tug, Cook still left the sexual encounter with a nagging unease.

“She’s really been so nice and accommodating since we got back from the vet. Given how quickly she rushed to pull down my pants though, it just seemed like she was trying to compensate for something,” Cook reported.

While still unsettled by his dog’s untimely and gruesome death, Cook tried to move past assigning any sort of blame for the incident.

“Getting some furious mid-day dick-yanking courtesy Rachel was a nice surprise,” said Cook. “Still, I’m not saying that I was super happy with her after spending two hours listening to Buster struggle to breath through the lungs that she crushed with her Land Rover while texting her friend and reversing out of her parking spot.”

Taylor maintained that she felt “really, really bad about the whole thing,” adding that she wanted to try anything to help her boyfriend get better. “I felt so sad seeing him mope after they had to kill Buster. I just wanted my big boy to feel like his old self again,” she added.

Cook, while not confident he could ever fully move past losing his best friend, believes the incident with Buster won’t hang over his otherwise worthwhile relationship with Taylor.

“Look, I still love her, it’s as simple as that. I’m not the kind of guy to hold anything against anyone. Still, if she really wants to make it up to me, she could try not being so shy about going ass to mouth.”

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