Bar Bathroom Filled With Crying Girls

At press time, the custodian was restocking the tissue supply.

After waiting 20 minutes in line for the ladies’ restroom last Thursday night, Senior Eve Smith discovered what the holdup at the bar bathroom was when she got to the front of the line — just a bunch of crying girls. 

“The bathroom is almost a safety hazard,” says Smith, “It’s filled to its maximum occupancy with crying girls rotating in and out.” Always accompanied by another intoxicated supportive friend, these crying girls always get priority to “use the stalls.” 

When asked one of the crying girls why she was crying, she reported that she “got all dressed up to impress my crush, but they’re not even here!” Her supportive pep-talking friend was seen helping her reapply her runny mascara. 

“I couldn’t find any of my girlfriends last week,” said sophomore Alex Gold, “and after taking a lap around the bar and still not being able to find them, I knew there was only one place they could be — crying in the girls’ bathroom.” 

There are a multitude of reasons girls disappear into the bathroom to cry ranging from another  girl wearing the same outfit to seeing an ex dance with another girl. When asked not crying girls what they think of crying girls, they commented that “Crying girls in bathrooms serve as the entertainment source for not crying girls.”

“A bar bathroom without crying girls is nearly an impossible sight” reports pep-talking, tissue carrying, mascara and lipgloss reapplying supportive friend Cheryl Hughes , “and not crying in one is as rare as that.” 

The following Thursday night  Smith was seen pretending to be a crying girl being accompanied by a friend in order to skip the line and get a stall like all the other crying girls. 

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