Elderly Man Not Cute Enough To Excuse Behavior

Pederson’s blotchy skin reportedly made it difficult to forgive his habit of referring to his waitress as ‘the help.’

Multiple sources are reporting that local man Clarence Pederson, 78, isn’t adorable enough to excuse his offensive behavior.

Pederson — a Korean War veteran — reportedly enjoys sitting in the local park feeding pigeons, painting, and yelling racial slurs at people walking by.

“There have been a dozen or so instances of him chasing after any East Asian individual while wielding his cane and shouting ‘I’ll get you this time you dirty commie!’” said park official Roger Marrick.

Despite attempts to keep Pederson away from the park, Marrick said that officials have “all but given up” on keeping that “elderly eye sore” away from pedestrians enjoying the outdoors. According to Marrick, “he is still old, after all.”

Other locals pitied Pederson at first, but those feelings have all but subsided.

“You want to talk to him because he’s old and a veteran and all,” said local teenager Kacey Woods. “But when you get closer, you realize his teeth are pretty yellow and his skin sags way too much. I wish I could just smile and laugh when he calls me a ‘tired old harlot,’ but coming from him, it just isn’t cute.”

Local women have reported getting catcalled or whistled at by Pederson, only to be horrified once they notice his “liver spots” and “hairy shoulders.”

“I was running with my wife when I heard him call out ‘You’re too good to be with a colored woman, son!’” said local man Kurt Ashley. “Maybe if he had dimples or a ‘#1 Grandpa’ shirt, that would be okay, but he was just too ugly for it to be acceptable.”

At press time, Pederson was seen throwing pennies at the ducks in the park fountain.

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