In a powerful display of love and respect for Planet Earth, area man Carl Peterson was seen using a hand dryer to clean his anus rather than needlessly wasting toilet paper.
“Every toilet paper square you use contributes to killing a tree. By using hand dryers instead, I’m investing in a cleaner future. I’ve heard hand dryers are more hygienic too,” said Peterson when asked about the inspiration for his action.
“I think he’s ahead of his time, not to mention incredibly brave,” said janitor Rick Davis about Peterson.“To go stick his butthole under a hand dryer in front of everyone in the bathroom? Yeah, that takes guts.”
Witnesses present at the scene reported a “microwaved booty” smell emanating from the public restroom in which Peterson was seen steadfastly committing himself to saving the environment.
“I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible so I probably ended up using less toilet paper than I otherwise would have,” mused fellow bathroom-goer Patrick Jenkins. “Maybe he’s on to something.”
When reached for comment, the World Health Organization refused to make a formal statement, suggesting only that “you should probably wipe your ass.”
Since implementing the eco-friendly switch, Peterson has saved approximately 47 trees and spent approximately $170 on new underwear.
