Guy Using Purell Definitely Just Did Something Gross

Other students reportedly refused to accept the attendance sheet from Reinhardt.
Other students reportedly refused to accept the attendance sheet from Reinhardt.

After witnessing LSA sophomore Dan Reinhardt apply not one, not two, but three distinct pumps of Purell to his hands upon entering his Creative Writing classroom, multiple onlookers unanimously confirmed that Reinhardt must have just finished doing something gross.

“He definitely forgot to wash his hands in the bathroom,” said one of Reinhardt’s disgusted classmates, Maizy Richards. “Or maybe he picked up a dead squirrel on the Diag and then scratched his genitals. Either way, Dan is a sick fuck.”

The class, engrossed in a riveting discussion on character development, immediately fell silent when Reinhardt walked into the classroom late and immediately began to lather himself up with multiple squirts of the hand sanitizer.

“I’m feeling queasy just thinking about what could’ve warranted all that Purell,” reported Max Salsberg, one of Reinhardt’s acquaintances. “My guess is that he dropped his phone in the toilet and then had to go digging around in there barehanded. But even for that I would’ve only used two pumps.”

At press time, Reinhardt asked his neighbor if he could borrow a pencil and was told to “keep it.”

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