Area judge Alma Olstein officially subpoenaed the defense for all of the present defendant’s tax returns from the last decade, as well as a chocolate Frosty and medium-size fries from the nearest Wendy’s.
The Honorable Judge Olstein made the request after hearing local businessman Jeffrey Bloomsdale’s shaky testimony in Circuit Court last Tuesday, as well as the deep and low grumbling of her own stomach.
According to official court records, Judge Olstein reportedly googled “Wendy’s near me” before asking that the bailiff call the nearby establishment to inquire about their lunchtime specials.
“Reading all these amicus briefs really makes you hungry,” said the starving judge while hankering for a steaming 4 for $4.
The defense, though initially vexed by the outlandish request, eventually adopted a more forgiving stance once the esteemed Judge Olstein offered to split her spicy nuggets.
“I’m not quite sure what this has to do with tax fraud,” said defendant Bloomsdale. “But I guess as long as this works out in my favor, I don’t really mind if the judiciary slurps on a large diet coke while they’re at it.”
At press time, Olstein was calling the court to order with her mouth full of masticated potatoes and cheese while wiping her greasy gavel on her jabot .
