Report: Mikey Puked In Third Period

Mikey is also reported to have wet the bed once at a sleepover party.
Mikey is also reported to have wet the bed once at a sleepover party.

Confirming what had been rumored in the hallways of Stevenson Middle School since 1 pm last Tuesday, a report released by school administrators indicated that sixth grader Mikey Nunes, 12, had in fact puked in third period.

“Yeah it was all over and it smelled,” commented classmate Lily Wu. “The janitor was busy cleaning blood off the slide, so we just finished class in the hallway.” Wu went on to describe the ridicule Nunes received from his peers, which was reportedly “swift” and “cruel.”

The administrator report verified that Mikey vomited about 15 minutes into his third period class, U.S. History. The vomit reportedly landed directly on his desk before trickling down and reaching the carpet below. Sources also confirmed that pieces of Mikey’s lunch, including fish sticks, peas, and applesauce, were highly visible in the discharge.

The report also corroborated multiple students’ eyewitness accounts of Nunes being picked up by his mom immediately following the incident.

“I think he left school before the puke was even cleaned up,” commented fellow sixth grader, Daniel Schrader. “Which sucks because he didn’t even get to see all the girls who started crying when they smelled it,” Schrader added.

Nunes’s U.S. History teacher, Mrs. Jackson, had the most intimate experience with the vomit, taping off the affected area of her classroom like a crime scene for the rest of her classes.

“This is something we’ve all been through so I feel bad for the kid, but he really shouldn’t have eaten all those wood chips at recess. Anyways, it’s an opportunity for growth.”

It was subsequently reported that Nunes shit his pants the following week of school, which according to the school janitor smelled significantly better than his vomit the previous week, but took longer to clean up off the gym floor.

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