USA Track And Field To Replace Hurdles With Landmines

USA Track and Field is expecting their TV ratings to blow up.
USA Track and Field is expecting their TV ratings to blow up.

In order to uphold its high standards of integrity and athletic excellence, USA Track And Field announced that it would be replacing all hurdles in its hurdling events with landmines. 

“Unlike other sports, track and field has not evolved since its use in the original Olympic Games,” said USA Track and Field Interim President Michael Conley. “We have at our disposal such groundbreaking technology as performance analytics, virtual reality, and high-tech explosive devices, and yet, we haven’t fully integrated them into our sport. I thought, why not start now?”

The USA Track And Field Board of Directors hopes that hurdling landmines rather than traditional hurdles “will increase the drama” of a sport with historically low attendance and television ratings.

According to Conley, viewers want to see, “sweat, passion, and blood and detached limbs flying through the air.”According to USA Track and Field athlete Jordan Spikes, “only the strong survive. I appreciate the new landmine implementation. It weeds out my weak competition.” 

Special Olympics double amputee Phillip Smith was also in favor of the change, claiming that the landmines gave an advantage to those who had “fewer limbs to lose”; however, athletes are generally not in favor of the change.

To counter athlete protests, USA Track And Field Board of Directors released a statement proclaiming that “if you can jump a hurdle, you can hurdle a landmine.”

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