After Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry on September 24th, democrats everywhere are certain that “we got him this time.”
Despite the plethora of accusations against the president since his inauguration in 2016, democrats are absolutely certain that this is the one.
“Yeah, we failed to get him on the racism, incompetence, sexual assault, and Russia stuff, but surely this whole Ukraine thing will do it,” said a leading Democratic Strategist. “The other stuff was bad, but we’re completely confident congress will come around for this one.”
While President Trump has evaded accusations of fixing an election and associating with Neo-Nazis, the nation’s democrats are certain that he “can’t wiggle out of this one.”
“I’m overjoyed to announce that, after all this time, we finally got him,” continued the strategist, the exact same thing he said during the president’s countless other scandals. “There’s no possible way he can slip past us now.”
“This will finally be the nail in the coffin of this Presidency,” said Massachusetts voter Hannah Green, ignoring the proven stubbornness of Senate Republicans.
“I can’t wait for when he’s out of office,” she continued, neglecting to realize that impeachment would put Vice President Mike Pence in office.
At press time, President Trump was already planning his next impeachable scandal.