Girl Just Far Away Enough To Not Hold Open Door For

In the same week, Parker was seen avoiding eye contact with his bus driver.
In the same week, Parker was seen avoiding eye contact with his bus driver.

Reports confirmed LSA sophomore Scott Parker was in the midst of entering the Ugli this morning when he was forced to make the split-second decision to not hold open the door for junior Julia Lewis. 

Onlookers stated that she was just far away enough to the point where it was socially acceptable not to hold the door for her, but that if she was any closer, he’d be an asshole for what he did. 

“I almost felt bad, but then I realized that she probably would just assume I didn’t see her,” stated Scott. 

“Oh I definitely saw him,” Julia told reporters. “It looked like he was desperately trying to avoid looking at me, all so he could circumvent a three second obligation.” 

Front desk staff at the Ugli confirmed that there was definitely a significant effort made by Parker to avoid eye contact followed by him aggressively throwing opening the door, walking in, and never looking back. 

“At first we thought he was he was making a statement on antiquated gender roles and expectations from a bygone era,” stated Ugli manager Huey Cooper. “But then we realized she was just too far away to warrant him standing there holding the door.”

At press time, the staff was seen replaying the tapes of the incident so they could calculate the exact distance in feet required for someone to not have to hold the door open behind them.

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