Museum Tour Guide A Little Too Into Taxidermy Exhibit

Wagner reportedly had a gleam in his eye while describing the embalmment process.
Wagner reportedly had a gleam in his eye while describing the embalmment process.

Sources at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History confirmed last Friday that tour guide Marcus Wagner was just a little too excited about the taxidermy exhibit.

Wagner reportedly began the public tour in the dinosaur room before immediately barreling towards the taxidermy section.

“He sped through the Mesozoic Era in three minutes and wouldn’t even let us look at the T-Rex skeleton,” said Sara Tiller, a member of Wagner’s tour group. “I had to jog just to keep up with him.”

Once the group reached the taxidermy room, Wagner informed it that the collection up ahead was a “real gem,” adding unprompted that he could “spend days in here.”

“This little guy is my special angel. I call him Rufus,” said Wagner, patting a stuffed jaguar with beady eyes. “What a handsome little boy you are, Rufus!”

Other group members reported that Wagner continued the tour while imitating the sounds each stuffed creature in the exhibition hall would have made.

“He started howling when he showed us the wolves, and then he pretended to be a fox for a while,” reported Linda Ficke. “We couldn’t even make it to the fossils room because he insisted on demonstrating 52 different owl calls.”

Wagner reportedly became most “flushed” and “sweaty” as he began to describe the details of the taxidermy process.

“First they extract the eyes, then they slice it open and peel off the skin. The remaining flesh is slowly scraped from the bones, and the corpse is bathed in formaldehyde and acetone,” Wagner reported, salivating as his hand lingered on the crown of a bald eagle. “Talk about a dream job!”

At press time, Wagner was asking members of the tour group if they had any pets die recently.

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