Reports have emerged that President Donald J. Trump pardoned a guilty turkey during the 72nd Annual National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation last Thursday.
The announcement of the President granting the bird executive clemency was made during the tail-end of the ceremony, despite all evidence that the turkey ought to be ruthlessly basted, shoved in the oven for 2-4 hours, and served with a dollop of cranberry sauce.
The release of a jailbird that definitely deserved to cook comes at a time of increased scrutiny of the President, given his long history of defending sexual assailants, war criminals, and white supremacists.
Many Americans were shocked that the President would pardon a turkey that so clearly poses a danger to society, due to its notoriety as a farmyard nuisance known for disrupting the pecking order and committing white feather crimes.
“Of all the turkeys waiting to be pardoned, it’s criminal for the President to have let this bird free,” said constituent Laura Dunbay. “I mean, just look at the size of its plump, meaty thighs.”
“On the other hand, maybe the President made the right choice after all,” Dunbay later added. “America is the land of the free — no one deserves to be caged up forever. And that turkey did look a little dry.”
“This is an innocent bird who has been treated HORRIBLY,” wrote Trump in a recent tweet. “Such lies about him. Seems ike fowl play on the part of the Dems. Shameful!”
At press time, the turkey bird was seen publicly exposing his drumstick.
