Report: Cold, Wet Shower Curtain Clings To Area Man’s Bare Ass

Reno reported his window curtain also clings to him with static electricity when trying to watch TV.
Reno reported his window curtain also clings to him with static electricity when trying to watch TV.

After a particularly steamy shower last Thursday, sources have confirmed that Max Reno’s cold, wet shower curtain clung to his bare ass. The derrière disaster occurred at approximately 7:14 am, as Reno got into the shower to rinse off before work.

“I was just sudsing up my 3-in-1 shampoo when I saw this big, white, billowing shape out of the corner of my eye,” Reno told reporters. “The next thing I knew, I felt something cold and slimy on my tushie.”

With the steam clouding his vision, Reno frantically tried to shake the curtain off his exposed posterior.

“I kept pushing it off, but that fucker wouldn’t leave me alone,” said Reno. “It was as if some mysterious force just kept drawing it back to my heinie.”

This was unfortunately not the first time Reno’s gluteus maximus has been targeted in the shower.

“Last week, the curtain adhered to me so strongly that it actually got lodged in my asscrack. Like, come on, no one wants cold buns,” Reno told reporters as he dried himself with a towel. “ I just need my personal space, you know? That’s my patootie, man.”

At press time, Reno was seen getting slammed in the ass by the shower door he had just installed in order to avoid future caboose catastrophes.

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