Report: Plane Making Noises Again

Winston was certain the oxygen masks were about to drop when the bathroom door clicked open.

Multiple passengers aboard American Airlines flight A320 from Detroit to New York have confirmed that the plane is making those noises again.

“What the hell was that?” asked passenger Ronald Davis, after identifying a loud whirring sound shortly after takeoff. “It must have been the engine — oh God, it’s probably overheating,” he added, referring to the air system’s completely safe routine adjustment in airflow.

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be that loud,” stated Davis, a man with absolutely no knowledge related to aviation whatsoever. “The door definitely just opened or something.”

After eventually acclimating to the sound, Davis reportedly became concerned not by the noise, but rather the absence of the noise once it stopped. “That’s the engine shutting down,” he said, clutching an armrest and thinking about how he never had the chance to say goodbye to his daughter. “There’s no other explanation.”

Other passengers identified additional worrying sounds over the course of the flight, such as the rattling of meal trays, which was mistaken for “a goose flying into the engine, getting chopped into pieces, and bringing the plane into a nosedive.”

After a ding sounded in the cabin,passenger Ava Winston reportedly assumed the brace position, mistaking the sound for an emergency alert.

“Everyone brace yourselves! We’re going down,” exclaimed Winston after hearing the sound, which was really just a chime to alert flight attendants that drink service would be starting in five minutes.

As the aircraft’s wheels dropped down for landing, Winston let out a panicked gasp, convinced that the plane was about to fall apart and release each of its passengers into horrifying free falls with no hope of survival.

At press time, Winston was seen calling over a flight attendant to alert him that something was “seriously wrong” with the aircraft.

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