Report: Trump Whistleblower Was A Snitch In Elementary School Too

The whistleblower is reported never to have learned that snitches get stitches.
The whistleblower is reported never to have learned that snitches get stitches.

According to witnesses close to the source, the whistleblower on the Trump-Ukraine scandal was “a narc in elementary school too.”

Lawyer Andrew Bakaj representing the whistleblower reports knowledge of his client’s long history of reporting up. “His mother called to tell me how he had been an upstander from a young age and would tell her when his classmates cheated during recess games.”

“He is a great hero, and ought to be commended for his actions,” describes Ms. Anderson, the traitor’s 4th grade teacher. She recalls fondly how he came up to her and described the wrongfully whispering students during silent reading hour. 

“He told me so earnestly about the French foreign exchange student teaching others swear words,”Anderson later added.

Bakaj’s client was also repeatedly praised for tattle-taling on students attempting to rig the middle school student government elections. He historically has had no patience for rule breakers.

At press time, the informant was writing a letter to the editor — calling out people for double parking around town.

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