University Pledges To Go Carbon Neutral By 2130

The university is hoping it will still be around by then to see how things turn out.

In a press conference last Monday, President Mark Schlissel announced a university-wide pledge to reduce all carbon emissions to neutral levels by the year 2130.

Schlissel stated that the proposed measures to cultivate a carbon-neutral University of Michigan would “address the urgent issue of impending environmental disaster, but in due time.”

“It’s a lofty goal,” said Schlissel, “but by God, it’s about time someone takes the initiative in the fight against climate change so our children ten generations from now — if alive — have some shot at a quality life.”

The school joins a growing list of educational institutions setting goals to completely eliminate its carbon-dioxide emissions, with projections that it will reach the benchmark by the early-to-mid 22nd century.

University plans for the undertaking reportedly include planting exactly one tree every other year and installing solar panels “whenever we get a chance.”

In an email sent to the student body, Schlissel shared hopes that the campus would “come together to care for the planet and secure its health,” so that it could finally be enjoyed 111 years in the future.

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