Illegal Streaming Site’s Porn Ads Disappointingly Unsexy

The rush of not knowing what computer virus was about to be downloaded next was negated by the completely boner-killing advert.

Sources last week reported that broke sophomore Vincent Russo was found in his dorm room trying to stream Disney+ content for free on when he was utterly traumatized by the disappointingly unsexy porn ad that popped up on his browser.

Russo was reportedly in the mood to binge-watch the latest Star Wars trilogy prior to the new movie release and was completely astounded when instead of “several hot young girls with bodacious racks of boobs and butts” popping up on the screen, the streaming site’s virus-inducing pornographic advertisements instead had a “disturbingly wrinkled cougar pensively sucking on phallic symbols.”

The instance had Russo so disappointed he was left wondering if he was better off downloading an ad-block onto his laptop and calling it a day.

“Sometimes you want to see a ‘lil some-some before you watch the First Order absolutely dominate those puny Rebels,” stated Vincent, as he restarted the webpage, hoping this time to see some hot action. “All I’m seeing now is some 40-year-old has-been in her panties trying to be a MILF.”

Russo told reporters that he was so disappointed, he reached out to the fringe developers of the site searching for answers. According to him, in response to the lack of sexy girls in lingerie plastered on the web-pages prior the streamings, the developers claimed that it was all part of an initiative to make more “kid-friendly.”

“We know the hyper-pluralistic state of streaming services is going to create a rise in viewership to our site,” stated developer Jon Marsh. “We wouldn’t want the young-generation of media pirates out there to be exposed to anything inappropriate before they illegally stream the latest Disney Channel show or whatever.”

At press time, Russo was seen exiting out of 123movies and just logging onto Pornhub instead.

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