Amish Buggy Taking Its Goddamn Time In Front Of Traffic Jam

Smucker was seen loading up extra carrots for his horses for their trip on the highway.

Several drivers on US Route 30 have reported heavy traffic in the eastbound lane due to an Amish buggy “taking its sweet time” in front of nearly sixty cars.

“I was on my way home from work, and I figured there was a bad car accident or emergency,” said driver Robert Samuels. “Then I passed a few cars and realized it was a guy in a big hat driving a carriage. I was glad no one was hurt, but damn, for a wait like that, a few casualties would’ve made it less annoying.”

Samuels later added, “Good thing I had an empty bottle in my cup holder, or else I would have peed my pants ’cause some ass hole thinks we’re still living in 1832.”

Jebediah Smucker, identified as the driver of the buggy, was reportedly on his way to “sell the apples from this year’s bountiful harvest, praise God and blessed be all His holy children.”

“Yeah, I was the first car behind the Amish guy on the highway,” said motorist Clark Brennan. “He was driving, or steering, I guess, his horse in-between the lanes and I couldn’t pass him. I was honking and the horse was neighing, and the whole time that dumb red triangle on the back of the carriage was reflecting the sunlight directly into my eyes.”

At press time, Smucker was seen fueling up his ride by feeding carrots and hay to Peaches, his brown mustang.

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