The nation is reportedly in chaos after area mall santa Gerald Johnson was seen at a strip club asking for a lap dance.
Witnesses report seeing the Father Christmas impersonator at the Boobie Bungalow, requesting a lap dance just minutes after he clocked out of his shift at the mall, during which dozens of children sat on his lap and whispered to him their Christmas wishes.
“It’s more exhausting than you’d think, a long day of kid after kid sitting on your lap. After about the 50th one, I want nothing more than to head on over to the nudie bar,” said Johnson.
While half an hour prior his lap was covered in five-year-olds, Johnson’s lap was now covered in big booty strippers.
“I totally get it,” said area father Rick Sutherland, who was also at the Bungalow. “After standing in line for an hour with my daughter waiting for her turn to sit on St. Nick’s lap, all I could think about was when it would be my turn to have someone else’s daughter sitting on mine.”
The Boobie Bungalow has reportedly also experienced instances when the mall’s Easter Bunny would walk in while brandishing his eggs.