Sources spotted sophomore Ryan Schultz and his two friends walking in perfect unison across the Diag on their way to South U last Friday when a sudden narrowing in the sidewalk prompted Schultz to lag slightly behind.
Reports have confirmed that Schultz’s friends, sophomores Robert Thompson and Jacob Collins, proceeded down the block while continuing their conversation about finals, with absolutely no regard to the slightly adjacent yet socially isolated nature of their friend.
Despite having been friends with them since freshman year, the triangular walking formation that had formed had now solidified Schultz as the unspoken third wheel of the friend group.
“He kept trying to chime in,” reported an onlooker near Pinball Pete’s, “but the others definitely couldn’t hear him.”
In a desperate attempt to re-gain his social status, Schultz was seen trying to walk in front of Thompson and Collins, hoping the optics of leadership would entice his friends to include him within the conversation. To Schultz’s dismay, this plan not only resulted in his two friends carrying on their conversation behind him, but also forced Schultz to embarrassingly walk much further from the group than planned.
With no option left, reports confirmed that Schultz accepted his fate and resorted to walking just slightly ahead in isolation until the sidewalk widened again.