Report: Christmas Carolers Know You’re Home

Sources report they saw you peeking through the window blinds.

Reports have surfaced from a local subdivision that area man Caleb Slate, 28, tried valiantly to hide from Christmas carolers, but his efforts were in vain.

Witnesses have reported that a group of six carolers materialized out of thin air exactly two minutes after Slate returned from a long day’s work.

“Oh god no, fuck, fuck, fuck me,” reported Slate when he made eye contact with one of the cloaked figures through his living room window.

Slate was especially distraught as he had reportedly gone to great lengths to avoid being noticed. He claims he “turned off all the lights and even parked the car around the block.”

“We just want to spread Christmas cheer, no matter what it takes,” said caroler Jerry Wilcox. “We’ve been rehearsing all year to come serenade Caleb and bring some yuletide cheer to his wifeless condo.”

The carolers were last spotted doing vocal warm-ups in the bushes outside the Jenkins family home, preparing to make a beeline for the backdoor.

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