Local residents have become increasingly concerned for the mental well-being of the owner of the 1990 Hyundai Accent with stuffed animals lining the rear dash.
Many residents have become convinced that this person, who must have spent upwards of $400 at the Toys R Us “Furry Friends” aisle, “clearly has something going on.”
“Every day on my way to work, I pass this car that has 20–30 Beanie Babies crammed against the back window,” said area man Lee Howard. “It’s like, do they want to talk about it? Is there some kind of hotline I should be calling?”
“At first, I thought that maybe this person just had several kids,” said postal carrier Lashawn Jackson. “But when you think about the despair it must have taken to pile the dozens upon dozens of stuffed animals onto the window ledge like that, you realize there is something much darker at play.”
“It really does keep you up at night, wondering what this person is going through,” added Jackson. “Was this an insidious habit that happened gradually over time, or did all of a sudden something snap and they just went to the nearest Hallmark and were like, ‘I’ll take everything you got?’”
“The saddest part to me is the juxtaposition of all the toys’ happy, smiling faces with the overarching anguish and misery of this person’s life as a whole,” said 13-year-old Alissa Wagner.
“Good God, is this what menopause looks like?” Wagner later wondered aloud.
At press time, a police officer was seen sticking a ticket under the windshield of the car, on which he had scribbled, “Get well soon!”
