Coronavirus Patient Zero Knew He Shouldn’t Have Eaten Bat From Clearance Rack

The bargain hunter was able to successfully cook off the bat’s fleas, but not its coronavirus.

After over 28,000 confirmed cases of coronavirus, Patient Zero Raymond Lee expressed regret at having purchased the bat he consumed from the Wuhan wildlife market’s clearance section.

The wildlife connoisseur reportedly “knew he shouldn’t have done that,” but couldn’t resist after seeing the on-sale crispy exterior of the succulent insectivore hanging there, “begging to be devoured.”

“It was just such a great deal,” said the man, whose exotic appetite sparked a global health crisis. “I couldn’t help myself. They were practically giving them away.”

After describing the bat as “a steal,” Lee noted that the pandemic-causing treat was “almost worth it.”

“Bat? For only ¥10?” said the incredulous Lee. “I would be sick not to eat it,” he retorted, referring to the meal that killed hundreds and sent waves of xenophobic sentiment across the globe.

Witnesses attest that Lee “should have known better,” given that his adventurous palate has gotten him into international trouble in the past.

“I’ve been on thin ice ever since I ate that snake and started the SARS outbreak a few years back,” said Lee. “But I stand by my actions,” he later added, licking residual bat grease from his fingertips.

At press time, Lee reportedly “couldn’t take his eyes off ” the deliciously plump porcupine splayed under the heat lamp at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

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