In an effort to combat the potential health issues of preterm childbirth, obstetricians nationwide are recommending that premature babies should “just be put back into their mothers” until they are ready to be born properly.
“Premature babies can have immature lungs, difficulty regulating body temperature, and slow weight gain. In order to avoid these issues, we suggest new mothers just shove that fucker right back where it came from until it has been a full 40 weeks since conception,” said OB/GYN Larry Stewart.
“We’ve all been assuming childbirth is a one-way trip,” said midwife Carrie Miller when reached for comment. “But now, new medical advances have granted us the knowledge that if the baby isn’t ready yet, we can just pop it right back up in there and tell it not to come out until its body has fully developed.”
Miller later added: “A few years from now, who knows? Women may not have to give birth to babies until they have gotten past their annoying preteen years.”
Doctors have also recently started recommending that women who unexpectedly start their periods should just hold it in.