GSI’s ‘Partner’ Just Lame Straight Guy

Students were disappointed to discover that their instructor’s ‘partner’ was just a sad little man.

This past Friday, English 125 students were disappointed to learn that their GSI’s “partner” was just a lame straight dude.

The heartbreaking news came shortly after GSI Sarah Hanson dropped the mysterious word at the beginning of class.

“Sorry I’ve been slow at responding to emails,” said Hanson. “My partner and I just adopted a puppy and it’s been madness at home!”

Students reportedly began speculating as to whom this enigmatic“partner” might be. Their musings quickly turned to shock and disgust as Hanson projected a picture of her partner holding their new golden retriever, Cupcake.

“I was expecting her partner to be some nonbinary person with an art history degree and urban studies minor,” said LSA sophomore Michael Morris. “But then Hanson pulls up this photo, and it’s just some pale, sweaty guy in a stained Star Trek shirt.”

“Look how cute they are!” Hanson reportedly said, as she clicked through more photos. “My partner wants to get rid of Cupcake because her barking distracts him while he plays Call of Duty, but I think this will be good for us.”

“It’s just disappointing, really,”said LSA freshman Alex Brighton.“I thought her partner would be a tattooed lesbian with a pixie cut,maybe even wire-rimmed glasses or something. Turns out it’s just some unemployed weeb with Cheeto dust on his fingers.”

“He looks like he hasn’t left the house in months,” added Brighton’s friend. “I didn’t even know it was possible for someone to have that much dandruff.”

At press time, Hanson ended class early to rush home and cook dinner for her partner.

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