Kid At UMix Clearly Here To Get Laid

Reeves offered a cute girl the free Popsocket he received at the check-in desk.

Sources at last Friday’s UMix have confirmed that LSA sophomore Michael Reeves was clearly only attending the university-sponsored event to get some pussy.

“Listen, if I pull up to UMix on a Friday night, I’m not leaving alone,” said the sober Casanova while fixing his hair in a nearby window. According to Reeves, the UMix event — which boasted offerings such as The Secret Life of Pets 2 and a raffle to win a free T-shirt — was “the spot” for 19-year-olds looking to smash the hottest tens.

The sophomore reportedly sauntered into the Pendleton Ballroom at 9:30 pm with the confidence of a man about to “score some serious tail,” noting that the swell of underclassman bodies in the student center had “got [him] feeling some type of way.”

Reeves is said to have spent the majority of the evening standing in the corner with his AirPods in, working his way through a Diet Pepsi as he “made eyes with all the honeys by the scrapbooking station.”

Reeves was last seen waiting in line for free midnight mac n’ cheese and chicken wings while on the lookout for babes.

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