Medieval Village Dazzled By Invention Of Purple

The excitement over the invention of the new color was comparable only to that of the stirrup.

Gasping and rubbing their eyes in disbelief, inhabitants of the hamlet of Gainsthorpe were reportedly overcome with admiration and wonder at the sight of a merchant selling purple-dyed cloth.

According to sources, the Britannic villagers were shocked to see replicated artificially a color they had previously only ever witnessed in nature.

“By the year 1300, one assumes man hath invented everything man hath to invent,” said wheelmaker Edric Cartwrighte. “But here we are in 1301 and, lo-and-behold, there’s a fifth color.”

Tradespeople are reportedly working “tirelessly” to spread word of what some are calling “Liquid Wealth” — the new dye that is currently only found in and must be extracted from the shells of smashed sea snails.

“I heard tell of a commotion coming from the town square, so I set down my quill and left the monastery post haste,” said Friar Wystan. “Alas, I was only to find sinners, entranced by textiles dyed with the hue of Satan himself!”

“Praised be the Lord,” one commoner was overheard saying. “The traveling salesman said purple shall cureth my leprosy!”

However, sources report the “miraculous new discovery” is not for everyone.

“I was too busy toiling in the fields to see what everyone was looking at,” said Serf Ornelle Graemes. “Whatever it is, I’m looking forward to basking in the glory of those who can afford it.”

At press time, the villagers were brought to tears by the taste of salt.



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