Uh-uh. No way. You call that a plane? There’s no way in hell that’s the right one. Someone’s made a terrible mistake.
No, no, no, absolutely not. Do you see that thing? Is it a plane for mice? There’s no way it can carry full-grown adults. I’ve been in cars bigger than that.
Please, make it stop. Why are they bringing us onto the tarmac? Can’t they just get a jet bridge like on any normal flight?
Oh, God. The flight attendant’s telling passengers either to wear all the clothes they packed or throw away their luggage because there’s nowhere to put it on the flight.
Why did the captain just make an announcement that half the passengers on the left side of the plane need to lean to the right? There’s no way this is legal. Can this seatbelt go any tighter?
Oh, hello no. The guy in 2A is sending a text. Turn that thing on airplane mode, goddamit!
It’s about to take off. Why haven’t any of the flight attendants noticed that phone? Jesus Christ, he’s answering a call now. There’s no way the engines are supposed to be making that sound. Is the plane supposed to shake like that?