Witnesses have confirmed that a group of male diners at all-you-can-eat pan-Asian restaurant Sushi Castle were filling out their menu with the concentration and passion of our Founding Fathers as they wrote the Constitution.
The young men were spotted in a heated debate over whether to order seven or eight spicy tuna rolls, arguing as if they were creating the document that would provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.
“We should only get seven orders of fried rice instead of ten because they’ll charge us if we don’t finish it,” proclaimed Edward Michaels, taking a brave stance to protect his property in the face of those who unjustly wish to usurp it from his hands.
The congress of men was allegedly crowded around Michaels, stoically watching their courageous executive pen the document that would pave the future of their entire meal.
Calvin Morris, another of the group’s heroes, was heard arguing to include an amendment that adds three extra pieces of salmon sashimi, advocating for his right to stuff himself until throwing up everywhere.
“I promise I can finish it,” announced Morris, in a display of conviction rivalling that of the Americans when they defeated the British, as if to say, “give me food poisoning, or give me death.”
Using the power vested in him as executive of the united gluttons, Michaels later handed the document to a server for ratification, like he was valiantly presenting the supreme law to the American public, initiating a bold new era for the land of the free and the home of the brave.
