China To Enforce Multi-Child Policy To Make Up For Coronavirus Deaths

A new billboard campaign urged Chinese citizens to ‘hit it raw or else.’

Due to the over 3,000 deaths related to COVID-19 in China, the Chinese Communist Party has instituted a new policy mandating that all families must have multiple children to make up for the country’s population loss.

Though notorious for its one-child policy implemented in 1980, the People’s Republic of China has since found itself in a shortage of thousands of its formerly COVID-19-positive citizens. In what many are calling a total 180, the CCP announced that any citizen who does not immediately begin raw-dogging will be subject to fines and jail time.

“Comrades, it’s time to get down to business,” said General Secretary Xi Jinping. “We have a lot of work to do. Too much food is being harvested from the fields, and not enough babies are being churned out to eat it. I’m talking serious baby-making, 24/7, from now on.”

Xi also unveiled a policy mandating that no new condoms will be manufactured or imported until every preschool in China is full.

At press time, the CCP was reportedly working on a program to match people who recently lost their spouses to the virus so they could start fornicating immediately.

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