Cute Couple Gets Matching Bronchitis

The couple was reportedly looking forward to sharing some quality quarantine time.

Reports indicate that notoriously adorable couple Jerry Gilmore and Sarah Willis share everything with each other, including their recently diagnosed bronchitis. 

After spending a romantic weekend in Chicago together, they came home with matching souvenirs — inflamed bronchial tubes, bouts of wheezing, and an excess of discolored phlegm.

“I thought it was so cute when they got the same ear piercing. It made me want to get one too. I’m not so sure about the cough thing, though,” commented Frank Meyers, a neighbor of Gilmore. 

The couple was seen walking across campus towards UHS hand in hand and coughing up green phlegm into napkins. After scheduling chest X-ray appointments, they called to schedule a couples massage for their seven-month anniversary.

“They’re really sweet. They eat all their meals together and text each other all day. I’m a little worried about how loud their hacking is, though. I can hear them through the wall, but I’m glad to see they’ve been using their inhaler,” reported Charlotte Bowe, Gilmore and Willis’ resident advisor. 

The couple has been insisting on not wearing masks to cover their coughs, claiming it detracts from “kissing time.” 

At press time, the couple was seen staring lovingly into each other’s eyes while coughing a tablespoon’s worth of mucus into their elbows.

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