After much speculation and concern over his mental health, a statement released by the Democratic National Committee last Sunday has confirmed presidential candidate Joe Biden’s incoherent speech as simply an attempt to lock-in the elderly vote.
“The elderly make up a large portion of the nation’s voting base,” commented DNC Chair Tom Perez. “We want to make sure that even the most neurodegenerated among us know that they’re being represented.”
Biden’s incomprehensible addresses have reportedly been well-received by undecided senior citizens who see themselves reflected in the mentally deteriorating candidate.
“I wasn’t sure who to vote for at first. Neither candidate seemed to resonate with me,” said lifelong Democrat Myrtle Clemons, age 67. “But then I saw Biden totally zone out at his last rally and completely fumble his last few television appearances. That’s when I knew he was fighting for me.”
“Old people… y’know they just are… a lot of them are still alive…” muttered an impassioned Joe Biden when reached for comment. “We really…I’ve talked enough on that, let’s talk about the next thing,” he added.
At press time, Biden was seen handing out hard candies to residents at Calico County Nursing Home, then saving one for himself.