DNC Really Regretting Whole Democracy Thing Right Now

DNC leaders were last seen making a pros and cons list for instituting a dictatorship.

Multiple members of the Democratic National Committee have come forward this week to express regret at their party’s embrace of democracy as a form of government.

Following the success of Bernie Sanders’s grassroots campaign, DNC members are now admitting their hesitance to continue allowing the public to elect representative leaders.

“The Democratic Party has long stood for the protection of Americans’ rights to freedom and the vote,” said Tom Perez, current DNC chair. “But now that people aren’t voting for the candidates we like, we’re not so sure those rights are all that necessary anymore.”

“Seems like the plan was only half-formed when we decided to go with it,” Perez added.

While some have voiced criticism over the DNC’s sudden reversal of values and have called for greater transparency moving forward, DNC officials are pushing back.

“Listen, we can’t just expect some ancient Greek law system to fulfill our needs for the present,” said one anonymous Democratic superdelegate. “Maybe we got it wrong, and it’s time for major reforms, such as allowing us to choose candidates whether the public wants them or not.”

At press time, the DNC leaders were seen quietly whispering to each other about how to “maximize electability while minimizing elections.”

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