Enslaved, Suffering Make-A-Wish Foundation Genie Unable To Muster Strength To Grant Another Wish

The indentured wish-granter regretted ever leaving his lamp.

Reports have surfaced that the tortured genie in the basement of the Make-A-Wish Foundation headquarters has suffered too much physical abuse to grant eight-year-old cancer patient Jerry Richman’s final wish of meeting beloved actor Tom Holland.

The genie, who has been a slave of the Phoenix-based foundation ever since it launched in 1980, was spotted begging for mercy as its perpetrators gave it a savage whipping.

“Please,” begged the genie, whose sky-blue complexion had turned a bruised purple. “If you keep beating me, I may never be able to send another child to Disney World ever again.”

Witnesses have stated that Make-A-Wish CEO David Williams was relentless, stomping on the genie’s lamp and ordering it to send everyone’s favorite Spiderman to Seattle Children’s Hospital.

“If you don’t send that handsome British actor to the cancer ward by the end of the night, I’ll bash your lamp against the basement floor until it cracks,” threatened Williams.

According to the genie, who is imprisoned in a tiny lamp kept in the dark Make-A-Wish basement, its depletion of power comes from granting so many wishes over the years. “

If I have to grant one more Walmart shopping spree, I may cease to exist entirely,” worried the ailing spirit. “I don’t even think I have another trip to Hawaii left in me.”

At press time, Britain’s sweetheart had agreed to visit the hospital, just as the genie collapsed and faded from the earth.

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