Charles Wiggins, a local man self-identifying as an auto-erotic food fetishist has reportedly claimed to know the correct way to use Nerds Rope.
“I finally got it,” said Wiggins lustfully. “There is one way to use the sweet, sexy, slutty goodness that is Nerds Rope, and I know it!” He was later seen buying the entire stock of Nerd’s Rope from a local 7/11.
Many stores have banned him from entering stating that “he has made customers uneasy.”
“Nobody is buying candy anymore,” said local store owner James Kinkle.“The shoppers keep covering their kids’ eyes when they walk by the candy aisle!”
The revelation has made many townspeople uncomfortable as well. “He hasn’t even told us what he does with them” said PTA member Sarah Lach “He just keeps staring at them wide eyed and muttering that he knows how to use them.”
A few were supportive of his announcement. “I say live and let live. If he wants to use Nerds Rope to practice making knots” said Phil Li. “At least I think that’s what he’s using it for?”
The local man was last seen googling different ways to use Ring Pops.
