Tragedy struck last Tuesday when, immediately after area man Jared Lautner unzipped his pants in the airplane bathroom, the plane hit a patch of turbulence.
Lautner, onboard Delta flight 9817 from Denver to Detroit, had reportedly decided to empty his bladder mere seconds before the pilot switched the seatbelt sign on and told passengers to remain in their seats.
The sudden changes in wind speed and temperature outside the aircraft resulted in Lautner completely missing the toilet bowl, covering himself, the sink, and the mirror with the contents of his pee sack.
“One minute, I was urinating peacefully. Next thing I know, I had accidentally drawn the Disney Channel logo on the ceiling,” said Lautner when reached for comment.
“I do this on purpose,” said John Vickers, pilot of the aircraft. “These long flights are pretty boring, so sometimes I turn the seatbelt sign off a few minutes before we hit turbulence, just to remind people who get up to pee of their own mortality.”
Lautner was last seen slinking back to his seat, refusing to make eye contact with the woman next in line for the bathroom.