Sources have confirmed that area woman Lindsey Sharp’s lonely birthday spent in quarantine was reportedly “not that bad” compared to some of her previous celebrations.
Days after turning 26, Sharp commented, “Sure this is a bit of a bummer,but definitely not my worst, not by a long shot,” while putting her celebratory frozen pizza into the oven. “No one came to my ninth birthday party either, but at least I didn’t try to invite anyone this time.”
“I didn’t even notice the birthday blues creeping up, I’ve been numb so for the past few weeks, I cried just as much as I would any other day,” Sharp continued, biting into an Oreo-flavored birthday cake.
Sharp claimed to be putting her extra free time on her special day to good use, noting, “Now that I’m not bogged down with dinner plans, I can put my energy into what really matters, like writing thoughtful replies to Facebook birthday wishes.”
“The one downside is that I can’t use any of my birthday discounts this year,” she lamented. “I guess restaurants aren’t really looking to give away free meals right now.”
At press time, Sharp was seen retreating to her bedroom with her vibrator to have “birthday sex.”